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The chick is in the mail
Mail-order poultry.
Tom McClellan
Darning with faint praise
"They were only cheap socks to begin with."
Bruce Thompson '49, Boalt '53
Basil Instinct
Every great chef has it.
Chris Argentos
A spook full of sugar
Diabetic ghost.
K. Hazeltine
Good Will Bunting
Math genius tries to move the runners.
Tom McClellan
Pimp and circumstance
Street entrepreneur takes over graduation ceremony.
Jeanette Schemel '41
Lappop
Grandpa.
Donald Vermeer '54
Bona Fido
Good dog.
Martin Easton '49
They can't take that sway from me
Try girding my underpinnings.
D'Arcy Selwood '47
Dig Hard
Looking for talent in Bruce Willis.
Kevin Powers '77
Slay it again, Sam
U.S. eyes Syria.
Joe Traynor '57
The smoking nun
R.J. Reynolds's new mascot.
Heather Scott '98
Vanity Pair
The Clintons on the stump.
Neal Cavanaugh '60
Don't look a gift horse in the south
Especially if it's headed north.
D'Arcy Selwood '47
Pluto's Republic
Canine philosopher's best-known work.
Robert Nelson '74
Jirque du Soleil
Annoying heckler at the acrobat show.
Tom McClellan
| New Jersey Nuts
Jason Kidd fans go crazy.
Kenneth Atterman '66
Robin Food
The worms of Sherwood Forest.
Bill Leet '61
I worship the ground you balk on
Enthusiastic baserunner to pitcher.
Art Poulin '48
Chi Cha Cha
Chinese health dance.
Chung Fung '71
Curse of the Stamp Creature
Renegade philatelist ravages small town.
Tom McClellan
Having Private Ryan
"I love a man in uniform."
Joyce Wilhelmy Steinglass '81
Vesicular manslaughter
Death by volcanic basalt rock.
Karen Sullivan '01
Sammy Soso
Chicago Cub without cork.
Ben Danning '42
Of Hunan Bondage
The Kama Sutra crosses the Himalayas.
William Schemel
All you need is Rove
Dubya's re-election strategy.
Gary Feder '85
Wide World of Shorts
Where Sumo wrestlers buy their gear.
Ross Brown '76
Rascal's Pensées
Evil French thoughts.
Dick Grant
Nobody knows the troubles I've been
Repeat offender confesses.
D'Arcy Selwood
'47 The Quack and the Dead
Gunfighting duck becomes sheriff.
Tom McClellan |
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Meal Women Have Curves
Why waitresses should play baseball.
 Many of you wonder why each and every one of your twisted submissions does not see print. In addition to the ever-present problems of titles already run and titles incorrectly twisted, there remains the question of our own editorial judgment. As we enter our 13th year (!) of this madness, let us pay tribute to one of the best rebukes we've received. It comes from J.W. Downs, of Santa Clara. In resending a title, he said: "It is so brilliant that it somehow was overlooked by your editorial staff. I cannot, however, rule out the possibility that it was lost in the mail or was hijacked by some deranged terrorist." However deranged you may be, keep sending those hijacked titles, changing one letter only and adding a snappy underline, to Twisted Titles, California Monthly, Alumni House, Berkeley 94720. The title Title above was tossed at us by the well-fed Kevin Powers '77.
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