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The New Yorker
Bona fido Good dog. Nan Sparrow ’47
Miami Nice Elian’s short note to Fidel. Art Poulin ’48
The joint of no return Death row. John Harp ’50
Right of the Iguana Does the ACLU know about this? D’Arcy Selwood ’47
Federal Reserve Bunk Greenspanspeak. Walter Birnbaum
I think, therefore I om The Cartesian approach to Zen. Paul Clarke ’75
Jack the Knife Losta control of the truck. Chris Argentos
Achilles heal No longer a weak spot. Ronald Robinson
A Streetcat Named Desire Popular among tomcats. Ted Terrill ’51
Ode Fellows Shelley and Keats. Gene Smith ’34
Let me cell you sweetheart My new-fangled phone needs testing. Jim Blewer ’41
Mild blue yonder Unitarian goes to heaven. Catherine Maclay, M.J. ’82
Who wants to carry a multi-millionaire? Silicon Valley cab company’s want ad. Marlene Henderson ’57
Purina Cat Chew Tobacco company targets new market. Dave Peterzell ’83
Singing in the Pain What most of us would be doing if we danced on a rainy day. Randy Stephenson ’85
Scribble Popular children’s game. Chris Argentos
Chicano, Illinois On becoming a major voting block, Hispanics rename city. Barbara Hyde ’66
Bead reckoning The abacus. Jim Blewer ’41
As the World Burns Nero’s favorite soap opera. Kip Cady ’52
Erin Brockobich Capsule review by PG&E. Joe Traynor ’57
The Lost Supper Pre-crucifixion indigestion. Nan Sparrow ’47
You da van! Buyer selects his SUV. Jim Blewer ’41
The Road Less Token Turnpike opens its stiles. Carol Kohli ’73
Hen in Black Cock Robin’s funeral. Susan Leberman ’68, Boalt ’76
Oklahome We Sooners know where our roots are! Rolf Augustine ’60
J. Crow Where Heckyl and Jekyll get their clothes. Kenneth Atterman ’66
Call of the House of Usher “This way, please.” Miiko Doihara ’48
A just and lasting peach Another genetically engineered food. Miiko Doihara ’48
Swan Fake We knew all along that bird wasn’t for real! Rolf Augustine ’66
Dow, Voyager Bette Davis, day trader. Susan Leberman ’68, Boalt ’76
Blazing Paddles Ping-pong championship. Jim Marinos ’51
Holy patrimony Batman and Batgirl ditch Robin, head for Vegas. Dave Peterzell ’83
Boys Don’t Fry Documentary exposé about lack of male jobs at McDonald’s. Kenneth Atterman ’66
An IKEA whose time has come Swedish store finally opens in Emeryville. Barbara Hyde ’66
Anything to keep the little dears quiet. Kip Cady ’52
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It’s like Time and Newsweek having the same cover: Jim Blewer ’41 and Joe Traynor ’57 this month sent in the same title (“Three strokes and you’re out”). Which means we can dissect their underlines and find out how their twisted minds work. One underline read: “Over-eager swain disappoints.” We suspect that the use of the quaint word “swain” and the generally romantic point points to Blewer. The other underline was: “HMO tightens policy.” That sounds like the more cynical and worldly Traynor.
Let’s peek at who wrote what and…we’re right! Speaking of peeking, we took a look at the address we’ve listed here for a while and notice that we omitted about a third of it—which is why some of your titles come here late or not at all! So, send us your peak titles, changing only one letter (not one-third) and adding a snappy underline, to: Twisted Titles, California Monthly, Alumni House, Berkeley, CA 94720. The sophisticated Title title was sent in by Catherine Maclay, M.J. ’82, a beautiful woman who is rumored to be on intimate terms with the editor. |
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