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Electile dysfunction Symptom: a hanging chad. Joe Traynor ’57 You da men The Marines. Jim Blewer ’41 The Baked Civil Servant Government worker takes lunch at the beach. Rolf Augustine ’60 Revel Without a Cause Bacchus needs no excuse to party. Michael Schott ’77 Coming in on a sing and a prayer Gospel singer’s route to heaven. Donald Vermeer ’54 The Cheery Orchard Chekhov lightens up. Joe Traynor ’57 No gain, no gain Personal trainer’s stock portfolio. David Trager ’53 The Tonight Chow Dinner. Nan Sparrow ’47 Taco Hell Indigestion. Alan Fibish ’52, Ed.D. ’71 103 Dalmatians The Sequel. Jim Blewer ’41 The Pod of Small Things Where petits pois grow. Eleanor Cottrell Eagen ’42 Better carrier Postal clerk is upgraded. Myra Mielke The Lost Precinct Could it be in Florida? Elsie Vidovich Clasby ’54 Beer Treks Alumni trips include kegs! Lynne Rauscher-Davoust ’57 My Wild Irish Nose Plastic surgeon sued. Joe Traynor ’57 Downseat Order to man in bathroom. Nan Sparrow ’47 Firestone tired After all those recalls. Jim Lindsay ’62 The Bears Virginia Woolf is not afraid of Berkeley. J.R.K. Kantor, M.A. ’57 The Bust Presidency As the economy goes…. Julianne Jones ’61 |
Bitanic Transgender cruise ship. Elaine Hamill ’80 Atilla the Hen Crazed chicken destroys henhouse. K. Jones P-mail Canines communicate by post (and hydrant). Bruce Thompson ’49, Boalt ’53 Path of lease resistance Just buy the darned car! Jeanette Schemel ’41 The Awl and the Pussycat Kitty takes up carpentry. Jim Blewer ’41 Bat Buchanan Back to the cave. Michael Fullerton I can pee clearly now All the credit goes to cranberry juice. D’Arcy Selwood ’47 I feel your gain The new President to corporate America. Lee Ross ’78, Ph.D. ’89 Cordon Blew French chef loses touch. Yolanda Samuels ’41 Mud Magazine Special issue about the 2000 campaign. Richard Colman, M.S. ’73, Ph.D. ’76 Happy New Bear! Oski spirit for 2001. Jim Hamill ’54 E-jail Virtual prison for Internet addicts. Jim Lindsay ’62 Sox pack Bill’s last official order to the presidential pet. Jim Fox ’72 Bride and Broom The witch got married. Ralph Adamo ’51 Ally McDeal Monty Hall appears on the show. Randy Stephenson ’85 State of the onion Flavorful, pungent. Jim Blewer ’41 a = mc2 Einstein: the early years. Jim Fox ’72 Algowithm When Bill goes. Jim Hamill ’54 | Back to Top
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Hail to the Chief We should have counted all the votes
The problem of printing not exactly Monthly is that, after our twisted readers bravely pounce upon what’s happening at the moment and send in their efforts, they have to twist slowly in the wind while waiting for publication. Which is why in this issue we’re very involved with hanging chads and illegitimate presidencies, even as February is upon us. (One of our favorite submissions was one that can’t be counted by our Twisted Voting Machine because it fails to meet our strict criteria: “Floride: GOP special for whiter, brighter election 2000 results,” sent in by Julianne Jones ’61.) Another indication of when you were twisting was “Gave ’em the Axe!” from Lou Cherin ’36; actually, we could have run that one almost anytime, past, present, or whatever. Given all these timing problems, why you would want to get your submissions here even faster boggles our tiny minds. But several of you have asked if e-mail can be twisted: it can. Try russ@alumni.berkeley.edu. By whatever means, send your elected titles, and your campaign contributions, to Twisted Titles, California Monthly, Alumni House, Berkeley 94720. Unlike Julianne, change one letter only and make a real new word before adding a snappy underline. That’s what the un-Republican Jack Van Zanten ’50 did in the Title title. Options
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