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     November 7, 2009

      
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Past Issues

 

Electile dysfunction
Symptom: a hanging chad.
Joe Traynor ’57

You da men
The Marines.
Jim Blewer ’41

The Baked Civil Servant
Government worker takes lunch at the beach.
Rolf Augustine ’60

Revel Without a Cause
Bacchus needs no excuse to party.
Michael Schott ’77

Coming in on a sing and a prayer
Gospel singer’s route to heaven.
Donald Vermeer ’54

The Cheery Orchard
Chekhov lightens up.
Joe Traynor ’57

No gain, no gain
Personal trainer’s stock portfolio.
David Trager ’53

The Tonight Chow
Dinner.
Nan Sparrow ’47

Taco Hell
Indigestion.
Alan Fibish ’52, Ed.D. ’71

103 Dalmatians
The Sequel.
Jim Blewer ’41

The Pod of Small Things
Where petits pois grow.
Eleanor Cottrell Eagen ’42

Better carrier
Postal clerk is upgraded.
Myra Mielke

The Lost Precinct
Could it be in Florida?
Elsie Vidovich Clasby ’54

Beer Treks
Alumni trips include kegs!
Lynne Rauscher-Davoust ’57

My Wild Irish Nose
Plastic surgeon sued.
Joe Traynor ’57

Downseat
Order to man in bathroom.
Nan Sparrow ’47

Firestone tired
After all those recalls.
Jim Lindsay ’62

The Bears
Virginia Woolf is not afraid of Berkeley.
J.R.K. Kantor, M.A. ’57

The Bust Presidency
As the economy goes….
Julianne Jones ’61
Bitanic
Transgender cruise ship.
Elaine Hamill ’80

Atilla the Hen
Crazed chicken destroys henhouse.
K. Jones

P-mail
Canines communicate by post (and hydrant).
Bruce Thompson ’49, Boalt ’53

Path of lease resistance
Just buy the darned car!
Jeanette Schemel ’41

The Awl and the Pussycat
Kitty takes up carpentry.
Jim Blewer ’41

Bat Buchanan
Back to the cave.
Michael Fullerton

I can pee clearly now
All the credit goes to
cranberry juice.
D’Arcy Selwood ’47

I feel your gain
The new President to
corporate America.
Lee Ross ’78, Ph.D. ’89

Cordon Blew
French chef loses touch.
Yolanda Samuels ’41

Mud Magazine
Special issue about the 2000 campaign.
Richard Colman, M.S. ’73, Ph.D. ’76

Happy New Bear!
Oski spirit for 2001.
Jim Hamill ’54

E-jail
Virtual prison for Internet addicts.
Jim Lindsay ’62

Sox pack
Bill’s last official order to the presidential pet.
Jim Fox ’72

Bride and Broom
The witch got married.
Ralph Adamo ’51

Ally McDeal
Monty Hall appears on the show.
Randy Stephenson ’85

State of the onion
Flavorful, pungent.
Jim Blewer ’41

a = mc2
Einstein: the early years.
Jim Fox ’72

Algowithm
When Bill goes.
Jim Hamill ’54





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Hail to the Chief
We should have counted all the votes


The problem of printing not exactly Monthly is that, after our twisted readers bravely pounce upon what’s happening at the moment and send in their efforts, they have to twist slowly in the wind while waiting for publication. Which is why in this issue we’re very involved with hanging chads and illegitimate presidencies, even as February is upon us. (One of our favorite submissions was one that can’t be counted by our Twisted Voting Machine because it fails to meet our strict criteria: “Floride: GOP special for whiter, brighter election 2000 results,” sent in by Julianne Jones ’61.) Another indication of when you were twisting was “Gave ’em the Axe!” from Lou Cherin ’36; actually, we could have run that one almost anytime, past, present, or whatever. Given all these timing problems, why you would want to get your submissions here even faster boggles our tiny minds. But several of you have asked if e-mail can be twisted: it can. Try russ@alumni.berkeley.edu. By whatever means, send your elected titles, and your campaign contributions, to Twisted Titles, California Monthly, Alumni House, Berkeley 94720. Unlike Julianne, change one letter only and make a real new word before adding a snappy underline. That’s what the un-Republican Jack Van Zanten ’50 did in the Title title.


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Articles

Cover Page
Making a statement
Q&A with Beshara Doumani
Should we drop football?
Chasing butterflies in Florida
Hail to California

Departments

Alumni Almanac
A Personal Essay
Calendar
CalZone
In Memoriam
Keeping in Touch
Letters
Recalling Cal
Talk of the Gown
Twisted Titles


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