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The Lifts of the Magi So what? Kings should look taller. Art Poulin ’48
100-meter dish American Olympic sprinter Marion Jones. Jim Blewer ’41
Dirt Coke The ultimate weight-loss drink. Doug Raymond ’65
Once and Future Sing King Arthur does Golden Oldies. Kevin Starr, MLS ’74
A Goy Named Sue No kibbutz for her. Bruce Thompson ’49, Boalt ’53
Hamper’s Magazine Bathroom reading. Jeanette Schemel ’41
Someone to Hatch Over Me Great eggspectations. D’Arcy Selwood ’47
Highlander: The Endgaze Kilt reveals more than anticipated. Jim Blewer ’41
Sneaker of the House Master of the midnight refrigerator raid. Kip Cady ’52
In Bod we trust Swimwear designer motto. Toshiko Iwata ’59
The sound of one hand slapping Startling! Gene Smith ’34
Ah, tweet mystery of life The Swallows. Capistrano. Joe Traynor ’57
You light up my wife I’ve quit smoking. Jeanette Schemel ’41
Red-shift freshman This kid runs real fast! Doug Raymond ’65
Beyond the Glue Horizon Horse hopes for better afterlife. Jim Blewer ’41
Fang shui Aesthetic orthodontics. Jeanette Schemel ’41
What kind of fowl am I? The ugly duckling is perplexed. Gene Smith ’34
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Water under the fridge Better check the warranty. Chris Argentos
The Iliac Still Homer, but more hip. Don Duncan ’79
Toon Without Pity The Roadrunner. Joe Traynor ’57
Facial profiling Arresting visage? James Maas, MPH ’78
Go Tears! Another losing football season. Ro Bianchi ’52
Deal “M” for Murder The card game takes an ominous turn. Albert Ball ’53, Ph.D.
’58 Bears Roebuck ASUC store. Jim McCollum ’34
Hurry Potter We can’t wait for number five! Molly Fullerton
Buttered wife syndrome New chapter in The Joy of Sex. Joe Traynor ’57
Wailing for Godot When he finally showed up, everybody cried. Rolf Augustine ’60
An ill hind that blows no good Mad cow’s flatulence. Mac Elliott ’47
Yipeline How wolves communicate. Jim Blewer ’41
Hilton Motels Downsizing. Chris Argentos
Ship happens The Titanic. Jim Blewer ’41
Be Prebared Nudist Scouts’ motto. Jeremy Dashe ’89
Winter’s Sale Shakespeare folios at bargain prices. Albert Ball ’53, Ph.D. ’58
Seems to me I’ve heard that gong before Perennial loser. D’Arcy Selwood ’47
Pest in Show Popcorn rattler during movie. Jim Blewer ’41 |
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The Tall of the Wild Giraffes
Know your co-conspirators: Gene Smith ’34, of San Luis Obispo, is 88 years old and should know better, but he can lay claim to being one of our oldest as well as most prolific twisters. (His title is our Title this month.) At Cal, Gene was president of the Big C Society and captain of the tennis team; in 1936, he won a Pacific Coast doubles champion-ship with the great Don Budge, and in 1939 he played at Wimbledon (Bobby Riggs won the men's title that year). Gene—and it's dedication like this that we appreciate—subscribed to California Monthly while he served in the South Pacific in World War II. "I desperately needed some reading material," he says. After earning a Ph.D., he taught for decades at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo, retiring as chair of the history department. His wife, Elinor Crafts Smith ’34, has been known to groan at some of Gene's twisting; but his daughter, Anne Smith McCarthy ’68 always calls her father when he makes our list.
Whichever way you list and however desperate you are, send us your titles (of a book, movie, play, or whatever), changing one letter only and adding a snappy underline, to Twisted Titles, California Monthly, Alumni House, Berkeley 94720.
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