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This cud’s for you Bovine bonding. Joe Traynor ’57 Done in 60 Seconds Britney’s second marriage. Heather Scott ’98 Homo Improvement Straight eye for the queer guy. Bill Heath About lace Victor’s secret. Mel Dvorson ’42 A vittle knowledge is a dangerous thing If pursued to obesity. D’Arcy Sellwood ’47 Sather Date And on to Jule’s for coffee. Ludy Langer ’47 Keep your shin up Instructions to kickboxers. K. Hazeltine ’52 Dorque French nerd. Kathleen Schimandle Wright ’76 The Carquis de Sade Yes, it hurts, but it gets your motor running. Doug Raymond ’67 What kind of tool am I? Hammer with Alzheimer’s. Mel Dvorson ’42 By the spin of our teeth How politicians justify their actions. Joe Traynor ’57 The Wrench Connection Plumbers’ network. Rolf Augustine ’60  Lady Sings the Clues Billie Holiday fills in for Vanna White. Bill Heath | Fold Mountain
The laundry awaits!
Janis Holmes Barbour ’78
Fosse commitatus
A law prohibiting Broadway dancers from acting as law enforcement agents.
Tom McClellan
Absentee ballet
It was election day and everybody went to the polls.
Doug Grandt ’70
Tree for all
Dogs’ utopia.
Donald Vermeer ’54
Affordable mousing
Cheap thrills for cats.
Theodore Bresler ’63
Hairy Potter
Oski in the greenhouse.
Ray Verzasconi ’60
Gone with the Mind
Scarlett elopes with Einstein.
Walt Dimmick ’46
The devil is in the derails
Amtrak makes an accusation.
Paul Clarke ’75
Some-sex marriage
That’s what I’m talking about.
David Hammer ’66
Queer Eye for the Straight Goy
Five gay Jews dress a Presbyterian in a pink yarmulka and purple prayer shawl.
Ron Berman ’58
Hacku
College for Japanese internet intruders.
K. Hazeltine ’52
Four Weedings and a Funeral
Schedule for cemetery groundskeeper.
Tom McClellan
Cheaties
Breakfast of champions on steroids.
Susan Zabbo ’79
Ad doc committee
We need a physician.
K. Hazeltine ‘52
Bush Limbaugh
Just the ticket when Cheney quits.
Eric Wallace ’62
The Resolution Will Not Be Televised
C-Span cuts back coverage.
Kathie Zatkin ’72
Cal alumnut
One who does Twisted Titles.
David Pauleen ’81
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Flog Day
John Ashcroft celebrates June 14.
 | Well, you folks certainly responded to that advertisement in the last issue (the one begging for money for this magazine). A full report will come later, but we note here a couple of your reactions: “This gift is for ‘Twisted Titles.’ Now, let go of me,” instructed one; others cleverly used the stapled-in envelope to send in their titles. And Karen Pelham ’79 summed it all up pretty well when she sent in a check, a note stating it was for this page, and: “Twisted Tithes: They keep California Monthly alive.” In other news, after Mel Dvorson came up with 87 titles, he was so exhausted that he proudly listed his class year as 1842. No matter which century you graduated in, let go of your entries—changing one letter only of the title of a book, play, saying, whatever—and send them, perhaps with a check, to: Twisted Titles, California Monthly, Alumni House, Berkeley 94720. The title Title is from the patriotic Jerome Fishkin ’65. |
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